My daughter is still afraid of the dark. She doesn't like it when it's too dark outside, or in her room. Often she asks me to help with her issue and the other day it came to me that I cannot make it less dark for her. Darkness is not a tangible thing. It is a name we have given to the absence of light. And when there is not enough light, she gives the darkness power and focuses on what could be "in the dark". By focusing on the monsters in the dark, she keeps herself from actually getting to the root of the problem. She feels more comfortable, with more light.
I see this in business all the time. Managers constantly trying to get rid of the bottlenecks, or wanting to fix the negative attitudes of employees. Often we get so focused on the elimination of negative issues that we fail to recognise that often it is not the abundance of something negative, but the absence of the positive that is causing the issue. Instead of eliminating bottlenecks, increase efficiency. Try to increase happiness and satisfaction, not decrease negative attitude.
Most people respond better to positive reinforcement. I know if my boss told me that I needed to "lose the bad attitude", that would respond much less favorably that if she said something like, "You need to find a way to increase your satisfaction at work." The end goal is the same, but by increasing happiness, it naturally decreases negative attitude. Being told to remove a bad behavior, can often just leave a void that gets filled with apathy, more bad attitude, or sometimes a false sense of satisfaction. There is no direction to get better, just to stop what is being done.
I want my daughter to focus on the light in her world. I want her to find ways to carry light with her and banish the monsters from her mind. I cannot take away the darkness, but I can get her a flashlight. Do you have one?
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